Not in This Life
by ohmychriscriss
Summary: After being diagnosed with cancer at a young age, Kurt becomes lost in his illness. Needing something to get out of his depression, he just has to wait for the right person to show him the worlds not as bad as it seems.
1. Just a kid

Rolling over helplessly in bed, Kurt felt his whole body sweat profusely. Trying to get up the courage to scream for his dad, a large shooting sting went through his head which made his whole body tremble. Falling out of bed to try and get his dad's attention, he dragged himself across the carpet to bang on his bedroom door. The knocking was too excruciating for Kurt to endure, he let out a shriek to try and mimic the pain he was feeling, he felt his body go completely numb and everything went black.

* * *

Burt looked around the plain and boring room, tapping his fingers against the chair. Jumping at every noise he heard near the door, he waited impatiently for the doctor to come in. After 10 minutes, the door creaked open and Burt shot up to shake the man's hand. Sitting back down as he reached his desk.

''Hello Mr Hummel, it's nice to meet you. My name is James Wilson and I am the Doctor that has been assigned to your son. I have to ask, but will Kurt's mum be joining us today?''

Burt shook his head slightly, ''She will not – err, no. She passed away last year.'' He looked down to his lap and began to twiddle his thumbs nervously.

James jolted slightly in his chair, ''I'm so sorry, that should have been in his fi-''

Burt interrupted ''-honestly, don't worry about it. We are here for Kurt, so have you found out what is wrong with him yet?''

Reaching down for his files, James flicked through some of the paper and nodded, ''Yes…I'm so sorry to tell you that it isn't good news either. It wasn't something we were expecting. It's not something we ever expect. Now, as soon as I tell you what he has it is going to be a shock and you will think the worse straight away, I know. But I can assure with the right treatment we think that he will be able to get through this. But, there is never a guarantee for full recovery. I'm so genuinely sorry to tell you this, I really am, and this is the downfall of the job. All the tests we ran and cleared the past couple of days all show that Kurt has leukaemia. If we found out any later than we did, there wouldn't have been much we could do. We believe we have caught it in time, you were so right to bring him in when you did.''

Standing up quickly Burt was shaking his head harshly ''cancer? No, this isn't happening. My son doesn't have cancer. No, he doesn't. You're lying, you have the wrong file and you've got it wrong! I'll sit and wait for you to correct your mistakes and tell me what's wrong with my son…I'm telling you he doesn't have…cancer'' he shouted before falling to his knees in heart-breaking sobs, resting his face in his hand, sobbing hysterically. ''He can't have cancer, my boy - my boy…he is only nine years old. Just nine. Please tell me you're lying…'' Burt felt the air fill his lungs and trapped in the back of his throat, making his speech scattered ''please.''

James ran to his side and rubbed his back. ''I'm so sorry, we're going to do everything we can to keep him alive.'' He helped Burt back into the chair and knelt down next to him. ''The world is cruel, I know. But I am going to do everything in my power to help your boy and I will not stop till he okay, I'm going to be there to help him with everything that he needs. I don't make that promise as a doctor, I make it as a father.'' He rubbed Burt's thigh and perched himself on his desk. ''I can explain this to Kurt, if you would like me to, I can answer any questions he may have or may be difficult for you to explain?'' Burt couldn't do anything but nod shortly at James, not being able to show how truly grateful he was.

* * *

Kurt could hear a beeping of some kind very close to him; he could pick out small chattering voices and the sound of rushed people. Opening up his eyes slowly he saw brightly coloured walls full of painted dinosaurs, animals and Disney characters. The sight made him smile slightly, but then looking around he saw other children in hospital beds. Why was he at the hospital? He didn't feel ill but then over the sound of his own thoughts the shooting pain came back, making him chuck his head into his hands to try and support or stop the throbbing. A nurse in a blue uniform came running over to his side and rubbed his back.

''We're going to get you some medicine sweetie; the pain is going to go away.'' The nurse put some medication into the tubes linking into his arm and the pain subsided slightly. ''Now honey, the doctors are just talking with your dad and he'll be right back. Do you want me to stay with you while he isn't here?''

Kurt tried to hold back the tears and grabbed hold of the nurses hand, ''Yes please mam…I would really like that.'' He laid slowly back down to his raised pillows and looked around. ''Why am I here?'' he asked muddled.

She looked at him kind-heartedly, ''well a few days ago you were really ill and your dad brought you in to let the doctors make you all better.''

Kurt looked at the nurse confused; he didn't remember being brought in. How long ago was it? He thought to himself for a moment and squeezed the nurse's hand. ''Oh…okay….' He shook his head slowly and thought again for a moment 'if I could please ask what is your name mam?'' he asked sweetly.

Giggling quietly she rubbed Kurt's arm, ''my name is Carole sweetie. It's a pleasure to meet you.'' She looked behind her for a moment at the sound of deep muffled voices ''oh look your dad is back, you can chat to him.'' She smiled and let go of Kurt's hand, as she walked past Burt she sympathetically put her hand on his shoulder and walked off without saying anything. Kurt shook it off and sat up at the sight of his dad, ''daddy, you're here!'' he said raising his voice slightly but regretting it after when the pain come back doubled.

''Hello son, how are you feeling? Sorry I wasn't here for when you woke up, got chatting to the doctors'' he sighed and sat in the hospital chair next to Kurt's bed.

''What's wrong with me daddy? Could you please tell me?'' he asked curiously.

Burt looked around him for some kind of support and looked at the man standing in a white coat behind him and nodded.

He stepped forward and he too patted Burt sympathetically on the shoulder. Kurt furrowed his brow slightly. ''Hello Kurt, my name is Doctor Wilson and I'm your doctor. When you came into the hospital the other day I got the job of finding out exactly what is wrong with you. Now, we run some tests when you were sleeping and we discovered that you have a disease called Leukaemia and it's a type of cancer. I know that these words may not be understood by you, but this illness is very dangerous, they are to anyone. But because you're young, we have to be extra careful with how we treat it. We are going to be putting you through something we call chemotherapy, to try and get rid of the cancer but it is going to make you even more ill before you can get better.'' The doctor looked at Burt sobbing in his chair and moved closer to Kurt leaning on the bed rails. ''You have nothing to worry about bud, the hospital is where you need to be.'' He nudged Kurt's arm playfully and smiled. ''If you need me or have any questions, just ask for Wilson and I will be right here.'' He winked and walked back slightly, patting Burt again before he walked back out into the hallways.

Kurt didn't really understand what the doctor had told him and looked at his dad with pain filled tears, ''daddy why are you crying?''

Burt wiped his face and head with his hands and jumped up. ''I'm not, I just don't like seeing my boy ill.'' He smiled and looked around. ''Do you want some ice cream son? I'm sure the lovely nurse Carole will get you some if you ask nicely enough.'' Kurt nodded excitedly as Burt called out for Carole.

The smiling nurse walked over quickly ''what can I do for you two boys?'' she asked cheerfully.

''Well, could I pretty please have some ice cream?'' Kurt asked sweetly. He lowered his voice and spoke directly to Carole ''it's for my dad really, he was just too scared to ask.'' Burt chuckled and Carole laughed with him.

''Sure honey, what's your favourite flavour? Or Burt…what's your favourite?'' scrunching her nose she giggled lightly.

He thought for a moment ''His favourite is erm – Vanilla…please.'' Grinning widely.

She nodded happily, ''I'll be right back sweetie!'' Kurt shouted ''thank you'' as she skipped off.

''So, how are you feeling son, do you want me to get you anything?'' Burt asked, not really knowing what to say.

''The nurse gave me something erm –'he shrugged 'but it made me feel much better thank you'' he thought silently for a moment ''what does cancer mean dad?''

Burt's heart dropped to his feet. How was he going to explain this to his nine year old son?

After a long moment Burt shook his head, ''look son…you need to under-'' Burt's voice cracked as he tried to think of a way to explain it and he was fighting the tears again. Their privacy curtain drew back slightly and a woman appeared from around it. It was another one of the parents from the oncology ward. It was a woman, who had her brunette curly hair tied back into a pony tail and beautiful hazel but tired eyes, the dark circles were hard to miss. She didn't stand very tall and wore a baggy sports top and jeans; she looked at Burt compassionately and then to Kurt, she walked over to Burt's side and guided him out of view from Kurt and then walked back to his side. ''That is a question for Doctor Wilson, he has all the answers you need.'' She smiled widely. ''Kurt is your name, right?'' he nodded slightly and the lady smiled at him. ''Well hello Kurt, my name is Annabelle. Is it okay if while I just have a little chat with your daddy, you could keep my son company, I'd really appreciate it if you could?''

Kurt nodded again slightly. ''Yeah, okay.'' He smiled at the lady and waved to his dad who had his back to Kurt, barely in sight.

''Why thank you'' she pushed back the curtain to as far as it could go ''this is Blaine Anderson.'' She smiled and walked away with his dad.

Looking over at Blaine, Kurt happily waved ''hello.'' He said sweetly.

Blaine smiled widely over at Kurt, Blaine was a small boy who had lost a lot of his hair, and he had dark circles around his eyes just like his mom and was the palest Kurt had ever seen someone.

Blaine waved back and shyly spoke ''Hi. Do you have cancer too?''

Kurt nodded, ''Yes, well…I've been told I do. But I don't really know what it is. Are you okay? You don't look very well. How old are you? How long have you been here?'' Kurt kept asking question after question not really leaving enough time for Blaine to reply. At the moment Blaine opened his mouth to talk; Carole walked in with the ice cream and passed it to Kurt with a spoon.

''Thank you so much'' he said gratefully and then lowered his voice ''could I have another spoon please?'' She creased her eyebrows and reached into her pocket ''taa-daah!'' Kurt reached for the spoon and thanked her again as she walked back into the busy corridor.

''Hey, would you like to share this with me, Blaine?'' Kurt asked kindly as he hopped out of bed, wheeling his drip with him.

Blaine sat up weakly and nodded happily ''yes please! Is it vanilla? That's my favourite!'' Kurt passed him the spoon and rested the ice cream between them. ''so how old are you?'' he asked again reaching for a mouthful of ice cream.

As Blaine done the same, he stopped to answer ''I am eight.'' He smiled weakly and looked back at Kurt. ''How old are you?'' he asked finishing his mouthful of ice cream.

''I am nine.'' He half smiled and continued to stare at Blaine; he was worried about how pale and ill he looked. ''Are you okay?'' he asked again.

Blaine nodded, ''yeah I am okay, just tired. I had some chemo today and it makes me really sleepy.'' He put down his spoon on the bedside table, ''thank you for sharing this with me but I would really like to get some sleep now.'' He yawned widely as his eyes shut closed without a warning. Kurt stared at Blaine for a moment, ''sleep well'' he whispered and got up silently, trying to tiptoe back to his bed, he realised how tired he was too, he climbed under the covers and closed his eyes, letting himself go to sleep as soon as his eyelids met. Unaware of the years he had ahead of him.


	2. Barely Living

Burt came running up the stairs and knocked loudly on Kurt's door, ''Get up! We're going out. Be downstairs in 10 minutes.''

Kurt rolled over unenthusiastically in his bed and looked up at the plain celling; he sighed deeply and looked over at the time. 8 am…what did his dad wanna do at this time? Dragging himself out of bed he just assumed that it was another doctor's appointment. Hearing his dad call him down again, he jumped up from the bed and walked over to his wardrobe. Picking out a stripy white and blue t-shirt and skinny jeans, as he was putting them on he began thinking about how 2 years ago he would have slapped himself in the face for wearing causal clothes. He went to check his hair and sighed again as he remembered most of his hair was gone; he reached for a plain navy hat and put it on. He walked downstairs into the kitchen, welcomed half-heartedly by Burt and Carole, his nurse that is now also his step mum and that was just one of the many things that had changed in the past 8 years.

Burt put down a cup of water on the table and another small cup of pills next to it. Kurt slouched back in the chair and stared outside the window.

''Kurt, you need to take your medication.'' Carole put her hand on Kurt's and Burt walked over to the table and sat awkwardly on the chair. ''Look, I'm sorry but you need to take this.'' Burt pushed the water and the pills closer to Kurt and sighed, looking at Carole who nodded shortly at him. 'I think we need to have a talk.''

Kurt looked up in panic ''No, no, no honestly it's fine I'm taking them; look, look…there we go, gone…taken. We don't need to have one of these difficult unnecessary talks, I'm fine.''

''No Kurt, this isn't about you taking your treatment. This is about you. Look, I'm concerned about you. I don't remember the last time you smiled or laughed or even acted like yourself. I mean, I don't even remember the last time you went shopping or saw your friends outside of school. And it is essential that you're happy, I just need you back Kurt, I really-''

Kurt interrupted rudely ''-Happy?' he laughed to himself. ''I don't remember the last time I done any of them things either and it's because I don't want to do any of these things. I'm done with this life, I'm done suffering, and I've been through enough. I'm lost dad, I'm sorry. I'm not me anymore.''

Burt shook his head not knowing what to say and with pained eyes looked back at Kurt, ''Now I looked it up online, depression after everything you've been through, or going through is common,'' Burt turned his head to look at Carole for support ''common enough for there to be a support group.'' He held his hands on the table and twiddled with his thumbs, nervous about the reaction he was going to get.

''Wait, what?'' Kurt raised his voice slightly. ''You want me to go to a support group full of sad whiney teenagers with cancer. I'm sorry but ain't nobody got time for that! Dad, I'm ill enough, without being tortured by making me go to that, please. Carole come on, don't let him do this?!'' Kurt's voice was almost pleading.

''I'm sorry Kurt but I spoke to Doctor Wilson and he agrees with me. He has actually already signed you up for it and I'm taking you this afternoon. You need to see that you're not the only one, just because you're ill doesn't mean that you don't matter in this world because you matter Kurt. And you need to be shown that by people like you, who know what you're going through.'' Burt sighed and looked at Carole and they exchanged another nod. She began talking ''I hate to have to say this sweetie, but another thing about this depression is that it could also be a symptom that your cancer is getting worse, so we have to go to the hospital for another scan, I've organized it with my team and I'm taking you before the support group.'' She stood up and walked towards the kitchen, ''breakfast?'' she asked calmly.

''Great, so not only do I have to go to some stupid support group for miserable lonely teenagers but there is a chance my cancer is going to kill me sooner than first expected. Can't wait, if only it could choose to take me before you force me to go to it I'll be happy enough for you to give me a break.'' Kurt paused for a moment and shook his head to himself, half smiling in Burt and Carole's direction ''pancakes please.'' Burt followed Carole into the kitchen and nodded at Kurt as he shut the door.

He slouched forward onto the table, resting his head on his arms and running his hands through his hair. Why was he acting like this? _He___was the one making it difficult. His dad use to be so happy, he remembered when he was first diagnosed with cancer, the other parents in the ward all look so tired…worn down. And now he did. Kurt did this to his dad and it hurt him more than the cancer ever could. But after having his mum taken away from him and then not even a year later being diagnosed with cancer, he hadn't had much to keep him that way. His relationship with his dad had gone downhill drastically…they used to be closer than they are now. Kurt solely blamed the cancer and always will. But knowing that you are a ticking time bomb; can't exactly make you a perfectly cheerful young teenager. Kurt detested the fact he would never be able to have a normal life: that he would never be able to have a proper boyfriend; that his weeks are full of doctors and medication and hell he despised the fact that he couldn't go to school full time. He missed normality but thinking about it he never really knew what it was like to have an ordinary life.

Hearing footsteps down the stairs he sat back up at the table, Finn walked in.

''Hey bro, how are you today?'' He asked excitedly sitting down ''is that pancakes? I smell pancakes.'' Jumping back up he walked into the kitchen and through the door Kurt heard him ask ''Mom are you making – ooo yes, awesome.'' Kurt chuckled to himself. Finn was his step brother and they got along pretty well, it was more because Finn didn't let the fact Kurt had cancer change how he treated him. Kurt loved his family, and he knew he didn't show it enough. The three of them walked back into the room and sat at the table, dishing up the breakfast.

Kurt nodded kindly at Carole who passed him a plate, ''thank you.''

The breakfast was as awkward as it could have been. Burt spent the whole time talking to Finn about football. The reason he didn't spend much time like this with them is because he hated the fact one day soon he wasn't going to be here. He had to endure their happy jobs, school, hobbies while he couldn't even go to school for more than an hour without complications. After 20 minutes, Kurt didn't even realise that everyone had left the table and he was still sitting pushing around his breakfast.

Carole walked into the room and took his plate, ''come on, go put your shoes on sweetie.'' She said as she walked over and pressed a kiss onto his head. ''I'm taking Finn to school and you to the hospital so just give me a minute and I'll be out in the car with you.''

Kurt wondered out to the car and slid himself in the back sit. He lent forward to nudge Finn on the shoulder, ''How's Rachel?'' he asked.

Finn nodded slowly, ''yeah she is good, she misses you though dude. Well, she talks about you. She talks about a lot of things; I only really listen half the time. She talks too much. I just nod most of the time – ''

Kurt giggled to himself as Finn went on about Rachel. Rachel was Finn's girlfriend and his best friend, well the closest he has ever had to a best friend. He sighed deeply to himself as Carole ran out to the car. ''Okay boys, off we go.''

Finn turned on the radio and awkwardly bopped to the music – though not in time, he then began drumming on his legs. Carole was laughing as she watched him.

Kurt sat up slightly, ''Carole am I still going to school later this afternoon?''

She shook her head slightly, ''sorry, not today no, the support group is this afternoon so there isn't anything we can do about it. You're going tomorrow though and for most of the day.''

Slouching back into the chair again, Kurt sighed. School was the only thing he looked forward to in the day. The car came to a stop and Finn jumped out, giving them both a short wave. ''See you all later'' he called out. Kurt climbed into the front seat and continued to stare out of the window as they began driving again, letting himself fall asleep against the seatbelt.

''Sweetie, come on'' Carole gave him a gentle shake ''we're at the hospital now, you gotta get out.''

Kurt yawned and rubbed his eyes, stretching out slightly. He could only groan as he dragged himself out of the car.

She smiled sympathetically at Kurt and rubbed his shoulder as they walked into the hospital, ''it's just a quick scan and then we can go.'' She promised lightly. Looking around as they walked into the too familiar place, Kurt followed Carole as she guided them to the exam room, ''Just go with Phoebe and she will take you for your MRI.''

Kurt nodded and walked in to change into a hospital gown. He walked unenthusiastically to the machine and placed his head between the support mask, lying down with his arms next to his sides he was gripping hold of the panic button. Placing his ear plugs in, the machine moved backwards into the scanner. He hated these scans; it was always freezing inside the room, it made him feel claustrophobic and even with earplugs it didn't stop him hearing the awfully loud sounds it makes. Moreover, he wasn't allowed to move otherwise the scan wouldn't work. After what seemed forever, Phoebe talked over the microphone, ''okay honey, we're all done. You'll be out in just a minute.'' As he moved slowly back out of the machine he smiled and nodded to Phoebe as he strolled to get changed again into his clothes, looking into the mirror he fixed his hat and splashed his face with water. Walking back out to Carole he nodded to all the familiar faces as they once again made their journey to the car.

''You okay bud?'' Carole asked as she patted him on the leg, re-starting the car.

''I guess, I'm just tired off all this.'' He answered weakly.

Carole sighed, ''I know honey, I know. There isn't anything I can do, I wish there was. But these visits are helping you live longer, so that's what we have to do. I'm sorry, I know you hate this. But we need you here as long as we can have you.'' Kurt nodded and rested his head back on the seatbelt. ''You can't go to sleep now, the support group is only around the corner from here.'' Kurt stared out of the moving car and sighed to himself as Carole stopped outside of a church. ''It's just one hour. Just one, I'll be here or your dad will be here to pick you up as soon as it's over. I promise.'' She said, sounding slightly worried. Kurt unbuckled his seatbelt and walked to the entrance, waving to Carole as she drove slowly off; he took one deep breath and opened the door. He could already tell that he was the last one there; he strolled over to the circle of seats and put his head down waiting to talk.

A bald man dressed in smart trousers and a jacket stood up and went to shake Kurt's hand. ''Everyone, this is Kurt Hummel and James Wilson is his doctor, I know some of you have the same one. Anyway…sit down, sit down.'' He said as he reached to pull out a chair for him. ''Go round and introduce yourselves everyone, I'll start with me. Hi my name is Spencer Hamiltion.'' He nodded to the next person and they all said their names.

''Sadie…Fred…Paul…Kristy…Georgia…Kelly…Wes…Blaine. ''

Kurt nodded at all of them and looked around. Spencer began to talk about his experience with cancer and how he is so grateful to be in remission. However, all Kurt could focus on was Blaine. Where had he seen him before? He recognized his name and face but couldn't think where from. Blaine didn't look as though he stood very tall; he had a head full of curly dark hair that seemed to have been gelled back and a smile so big it was contagious. He even dressed well, really well. Kurt panicked for a moment and looked down at what he was wearing, he felt stupid for not making an effort. The support group went on and finished very quickly, realizing he hadn't actually said or listened to one word of it but spent most of it with his eyes fixed on Blaine.

Spencer got up as everyone else stood up from their chairs and said short goodbyes. ''See you next week.'' He called out.

Kurt nodded his head as he walked to the door, but something stopped him. Blaine was stood at the door, one foot resting on the wall and his arms crossed. Kurt felt his heart stop. He tried to straighten himself out as he began slowly walking again. As he reached the exit, Blaine leaned into him and put his arm out to cover the door. Blaine's eyes were locked onto Kurt's and he winked playfully as he stepped side wards to stand in front of him, ''I believe I owe you an ice cream.''


	3. You Saved Me

**Just like to say a thank you to Rachel for this chapter! Enjoy the chapter, will hopefully be posting chapters every other day if not everyday :)**

* * *

Kurt took a short step back to distance him and Blaine, he furrowed his brow slightly ''excuse me?''

Blaine laughed lightly and opened the door for them both, ''you don't remember me, I'm offended.'' He said folding his arms playfully again, raising one eyebrow. ''Well that makes this a little awkward then.''

Walking through the door as Blaine opened it, Kurt thought to himself for a moment to try and remember where he knows him from. ''Wait a minute…'' he said taking a step back to look at Blaine, ''by any chance is your mom called Annabelle?''

Blaine nodded and smiled, making his eyes crease slightly ''Still slightly offended that you remember my mom and not me but yes she is.''

''I remember now, it was the night I was diagnosed and yeah…okay…I gotcha. Blaine Anderson…right?'' Kurt asked shyly.

''Indeed'' Blaine answered, bowing sarcastically ''it's a pleasure to re-meet you Kurt Hummel. Now…how about that ice-cream?''

They walked slowly together to the sidewalk and a boy from the support group ran over to Blaine's side. ''Stop flirting Blaine – we gotta – oh wait never mind.'' He said running over to a girl, by the looks of it was his girlfriend; Blaine was shaking his head and waved him off.

Kurt blushed and looked down, ''I'm not gonna say no to ice-cream.'' He said chewing on his bottom lip.

Blaine grinned broadly at him, ''I was hoping you would say that.''

At the moment they began walking together Carole drove up to the sidewalk and Kurt jumped slightly, he forgot he was being picked up. ''Hold on a second, I'll be right back.'' He said as he ran over to the car window. ''Hey Carole, erm- I don't think…err…I just, I.'' he stuttered as Carole stared at him, ''I'm gonna be going out with Blaine, so I won't be coming back just yet. I'll be home later though…'' Carole raised her eyebrows and smiled excitedly ''that's fine…'' she restarted the car and grinned at them both ''I'll see you…later then?'' Kurt nodded and she drove back off.

''Am I wrong in saying that she is our nurse?'' Blaine asked confused.

Kurt chuckled, ''yeah nurse…best friend…oh yeah and my step mom.''

Blaine raised his eyebrows and nodded, ''fair enough…I guess.''

Kurt smiled slightly ''Yeah, she has been pretty great, her and my dad got married last year, but have been together since I was 12. I don't think he would have got through it without her. I don't think I would have to be honest.'' Kurt shook his head, ''anyway…what's happening with you? The last thing I remember of is the ice cream and waking up and then you were gone.''

''Oh yes! I remember asking my mom if I could stay to say goodbye to you, but nobody listens to an 8 year old.'' Blaine giggled and put his hands in his pockets as they walked, ''I'm in remission, been healthy and cancer-free for about 4 years. The only reason I went to that support group was because of Wes, the guy that told me to stop flirting'' Blaine blushed and looked down ''he asked me if I would go with him, he told me it was helpful and all that jazz.'' He looked at Kurt ''but I'm glad he asked me now. What's going on with you?''

Kurt smiled and nodded, ''I wondered where you were that morning'' he giggled ''that's great...4 years. Wow. That's amazing.'' He took a deep breath and sighed ''my cancer is terminal but they don't have a time span yet, I guess…with all the drug experiments and treatment I've been put through, it gave me a few extra years and I'm grateful that I'm still here but I'm just fed up of all the doctors. You understand right?'' he asked shrugging his shoulders. ''I just want to be normal for a while…go to school, have a boyfri-'' Kurt cut himself of not knowing how Blaine would react to that and changed the subject. ''So what school do you go to?''

Blaine's face dropped ''I'm sorry, that's I'm just so –''

Kurt interrupted, ''don't, honestly…I'd rather not.''

''Okay…'' Blaine said compassionately ''I understand you completely, sometimes all the medication and treatment made me feel so numb, like I wasn't even human… '' Kurt nodded in agreement. ''I go to Dalton Academy...but I don't go there all the time, I have a part-time place.'' Blaine sighed and grabbed Kurt lightly by his shoulders, ''Kurt, you're never going to have a normal life and I'm sorry that I have to say that, but that doesn't mean you can't _live_.'' Kurt let out a loud breath and locked his eyes with Blaine's, not being able to think of anything to say. ''You have to go out and get the things you want; you just can't live your life in fear that you're not important because you are.''

Kurt stood back slightly out of Blaine's grip and tried to smile through the urge of wanting to cry, ''I thought we were getting ice cream? I didn't realise I was getting a pep talking with it.'' He said playfully.

''I'm sorry, I just. I can see in your eyes…just how lost you are. How broken.'' Blaine said shaking his head. ''Your illness doesn't define you. You can be so much more than this. You have the right to be everything you want to be and not let anything stop you.'' He chuckled lightly, ''if you want an ice cream with me, the pep talk comes first.''

Kurt felt the back of his throat close up slightly, trying to hold back sobs. ''I know you're only trying to be nice and I really appreciate it.'' His voice was breaking slightly, ''but you don't know me.''

Blaine placed his hands back on Kurt's shoulders, ''I know, I'm sorry that I'm over stepping the line. I don't mean to be so forward, but when I look at you all I see is potential. Potential for you to be happy, to have a boyfriend, to do anything you want to.''

Kurt took a large step away from Blaine and stared vacantly at him.

''Look I know I don't know you well enough to say this but hey, I'm going to say it anyway. You just said that you wanted a normal life and here I am telling you that you have to realise your possibilities of everything that you are and you could have one. You could have everything you wanted. But you're scared. You're scared because you know that you are not promised tomorrow and you don't want to let people into your life because you don't know how long you can promise them. But you need to stop living for them and live for yourself. You can't live in fear for the things that will be happening in the future, it's not a way to live. The only way you can have a normal life is if you open yourself up for the chance.'' Blaine stood back slightly, not realising exactly what he had just said, knowing already that he had been out of line. ''Wait- Kurt, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. That was way out of line…''

Kurt shook his head, wiping the tears from his cheeks. ''You're right, you don't know me well enough to say that.'' He looked away from Blaine, still shaking his head. ''But what you said wasn't wrong. Look, I'm not saying this because I'm angry…but this has been a bit too much for me. I think I'm just gonna go home.'' He walked over to Blaine and patted his shoulder lightly, ''thank you.''

Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand as he walked away, ''is that it, you're just gonna go? I said I'm sorry…''

''Do you have a phone on you?'' Kurt asked.

''Yeah'' Blaine reached for his phone and showed Kurt ''here…why?''

Kurt took Blaine's phone and typed in his number, ''seeya.'' He said passing back his phone. Kurt walked away quickly, fixing his hat and putting his hands in his pockets as he went. What just happened?

Blaine called out ''I'm sorry'' as he walked away.

He should be Kurt thought. Blaine was totally out of line. Who does he think he is? Kurt didn't know why he was crying, but he still let the tears fall down his face. Blaine was right after all, the reason he couldn't have a normal life is because he was stopping himself. Kurt broke into a small run as he reached the church again, calling Carole from his cell. ''Hi Carole, could you come pick me up from the church please...Thank you.''

* * *

Blaine ran his hands through his hair and began to run home, why did he have to do that? Such a stupid thing to do and Kurt didn't deserve it; he needs support not people nagging at him. He stopped jogging and went to turn back to chase after to Kurt but stopped and turned back again, he had said enough for one day. After ten minutes of jogging, he had reached his house and clumsily let himself back in.

His dad met him at the door and held him up slight, ''Blainey, what's wrong?''

Blaine shook his head weakly and walked away from him, ''Mom?'' he called out.

''Yes honey, I'm up here.'' She called down the stairs.

Blaine quickly ran up the stairs and hugged her, ''Mom, I've done something really stupid.''

She took Blaine's face in her hands and wiped away his tears with her thumbs. ''Sweetie, it's okay...it's okay…what's happened?''

''Do you remember Kurt Hummel, the boy from the hospital when I was 8 and you spoke to him and his dad?'' Blaine said quietly.

Annabelle nodded and smiled, ''yeah…the really sweet boy, I remember.''

''Well I saw him today, his cancer is terminal and I was really out of line to him. He isn't the boy you remember, he has lost hope. All I tried to do was make him see that life is worth it but I came across as rude and horrible and I just – I feel really bad and I don't know how to make it better. He didn't need me saying that, he knew. I know he did, I just-'' Blaine broke into sobs, ''he is broken mom, his eyes. I could see it.''

Annabelle hugged Blaine tightly and kissed him on his forehead, ''Blaine, you're the strongest person I know. The most endearing, sweet, caring boy and I'm so proud of everything you have done and achieved. If there is someone that can make Kurt see that life is beautiful, the right person has walked into his life. I don't know what was said between you two, but I know that you're more than capable of making it better. I believe you have the power to make anyone smile, you just got to be yourself and everything will be okay.'' She pressed another kiss onto his forehead and walked down the stairs.

Blaine nodded to his mom and walked into his room, shutting the door behind him. He sat on the edge of his bed and reached for his phone, dialling Kurt's number.

* * *

Carole had picked Kurt up and the drive home was silent, he had pretended to fall asleep on the seatbelt to avoid any questions.

As soon as they reached home, he ran promptly upstairs. ''I don't feel well, I'm going to sleep.''

Kurt closed his door quickly behind him and sat in front of it. Bringing his knees up to his face and resting his head on his hands when he heard his phone ring. He reached inside his pocket to answer it.

* * *

''**Hello**.''

''Hey is this Kurt?''

''**Yeah, who is- wait I'm guessing this is Blaine?''**

''It is, I'm calling you to say sorry. I was way out of line back there and I regret saying everything I said, you don't need that from me. You probably get it enough already. I'm so sorry-''

''**Blaine, honestly it's nothing to worry about. I was just shocked at first. It was like you were inside my head.'' He chuckled lightly ''I've never had someone know exactly how I feel. It was weird for me to hear my thoughts aloud, I needed it though…I should thank you.'' **

''I barely know you though; it isn't acceptable to say that to someone. But you have no idea the impact you had on my life-''

''**How do you mean the impact I had?''**

''I just remember as a kid being so unhappy, I was broken. Lost. And that night you were brought into the hospital, you seemed different. You made me curious.'' Blaine chuckled. ''And when you spoke to me, you made me instantly happy, your smile…your everything. You brought me hope. Kurt Hummel, you did not know this but you were the reason I started appreciating life. After meeting you, I wasn't the lost ill kid with cancer, I was Blaine Anderson. You saved me with a pot of vanilla ice cream and I never got to thank you. And when I saw you, the same lost expression I've seen on so many people I wanted to save you or help you, like you helped me. I know it probably seems silly-''

''**It's not silly, Blaine. That's really sweet. Well you're welcome…it was my pleasure **_**really**_**. I'm sorry about how I acted back there, I really am.''**

''You have nothing to be sorry about; I want to make it up to you. What are you doing tomorrow?''

''**I have school, but I can easily get out of it…why?'' **

''Let me take you out.''

''**Umm…okay…sure. I don't see why not.'' **

''Okay, meet me tomorrow at the mall at 3ish?''

''**Sure, it's a deal. I'll see you there.''**

''Kurt, _now_ it's time to start living.''

* * *

Kurt nodded even though he knew Blaine couldn't hear him and hung up. He pushed his head back on the door, chewing his bottom lip slightly. Well, that was slightly unexpected.


	4. Anything else with that?

**The chapter is shorter than the others but only because it seemed the best way to end it. Again I would like to say thank you to Rachel for all of her amazing help with ideas and such, you guys are in for an emotional roller coaster if you choose to follow this fic till the end (which I am hoping you will *hint hint*)**

** Keep reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

The next day came around pretty quickly but Kurt didn't know how he felt about it: anxious or excited…he dragged himself out of bed and jumped in the shower, getting ready relatively quickly. However, he made a somewhat effort with his outfit, more than usual anyway. He had put on a pair of dark jeans, light blue dress shirt and then some combat boots. For a minute, he stood in front of the mirror and stared at his hair, he furrowed his brow and sighed reaching for his normal hat. Taking a deep breath he made his way downstairs to make himself breakfast and tried to think of an excuse about not going to school.

''You're up! Good…'' he heard Carole shout from the living room and made her way out to join him in the kitchen ''how are you feeling this morning, honey?''

Kurt nodded as he put bread in the toaster, ''much better thank you, but I am not really feeling school today.'' He said hoping that was a good enough excuse.

Carole raised her eyebrows slightly, ''I guess that's fine, I need some help around the house anyway-''

Kurt froze and stuttered a little, ''I kinda- maybe have plans with Blaine…so…''

''Oh right I see'' Carole smiled slightly and kissed his cheek, whispering in his ear, ''just don't let your dad know I okayed this.'' She winked and walked back out, but stopped herself in the hallway, ''what happened yesterday?''

''Blaine made me realise something, something that I should have known already.'' He paused and looked at Carole, ''life is for living.''

Carole smiled and carried on walking back into the living room. Kurt hummed to himself as he sat at the dining table to eat his breakfast. It was now midday, ''Carole?'' he shouted out ''where is dad?''

''He is at work darling, anything I can help you with?'' she shouted back.

Kurt thought to himself for a moment, ''yeah well…I was thinking about going to the mall to do some shopping before meeting Blaine and need to borrow some money…if that's okay?''

Carole jumped up excitedly, ''yes of course! I have had some Kurt shopping money saved for months now,'' she giggled lightly and winked, passing him $150, ''here we go sweetie.''

Kurt smiled widely and hugged Carole tightly, ''thank you so much!'' he kissed her on the cheek and walked out the door and took the short walk to the mall, if he was going to wait for Blaine he might as well wait there. After all, he only had a couple of hours to waste. Wondering around various shops he began to look for some new clothes, humming to himself as he browsed. Trying on clothes as he went and buying several bits, he decided to go to the Lima bean for a break.

Walking up the counter he ordered his usual, ''could I please have a grande non-fat mocha please?''

''Anything else with that, sir?'' the Barista asked.

Someone walked up behind him and lent on the counter, ''yeah, could you please add a medium drip to that, and maybe one of them cookies you got there?''

The barista nodded and went to sort out the order.

Kurt took a deep breath and smiled widely ''Blaine?''

Blaine nodded at him and winked, passing the Barista the money as she gave them their drinks. ''Thank you…Blaine…you didn't have to. But why are you here? We aren't supposed to meet for another hour or so.''

''I couldn't distract myself enough, so thought I would come here first.'' Blaine blushed and looked down at Kurt's shopping. ''Looks like you couldn't either.'' He laughed softly and walked over to a table.

Kurt didn't know what to say so just quickly followed him at sat down, shaking his head fondly he smiled, ''Hi.''

Blaine looked down shyly, putting his hands on the table, ''Hey.''

''How are you today then…?''Kurt was quite hesitant of what to say, thinking back to how he felt earlier, guess he was nervous.

''Why do you where that hat?'' Blaine asked suddenly.

Kurt's mouth opened slightly, ''WH-what do you mean…_why_? I think it's quite obvious…look Blaine are you always this forward with everything you say?''

Blaine looked up and nodded, ''pretty much. I'm sorry if that bothers you…'' he giggled playfully ''it's just I feel like you're ashamed or scared to show everyone everything about you.''

''I just don't want the sympathetic 'oh no he has cancer' looks; I just can't be dealing with it. I know I do and that's enough for me.'' Kurt said truthfully.

''Well…step one of living, is to embrace everything you are and not be ashamed. Pass me your hat.'' Blaine said quickly.

Kurt stared at Blaine, who had his hand out waiting; he reached for his hat and waited a minute before pulling it off and passing it to Blaine. He let out a loud breath as he anxiously looked around him…''Blaine, I'm not sure if I'm ready.'' He said reaching back for his hat.

Blaine shook his head and put the hat in his coat pocket, ''you are.''

Kurt slouched slightly back in his chair and shrugged his shoulders nervously. ''If you're allowed to be so forward, so am I. What cancer did you have?'' he asked, feeling slightly insensitive when he asked, ''wait sorry, you don't have-''

''Osteosarcoma, even with chemotherapy and surgery my leg couldn't be saved and I had to have it amputated…what you see now is an illusion'' Blaine giggled lightly ''I have a prosthesis leg. It's not ideal obviously but I'm grateful. I still go back for scans every 3 months, with there a high likelihood of the cancer coming back, but I remain hopeful.''

Kurt nodded, ''that must suck…I'm sorry.''

''There is no need to be sorry. I'm here now and I'm thankful…anyway, what about you?'' Blaine asked quietly.

Kurt sighed and took a mouthful of his coffee, ''well first of all I was diagnosed with leukaemia and they believed that with all the chemotherapy, radiation and bone marrow that I would be cured. But it took them some time to realise that I had lung cancer beforehand that spread to my blood. They believed that the treatment triggered the leukaemia, sucks when I think about it. I went through remission for two years, and then it came back. Then it was diagnosed as terminal, But Doctor Wilson put me on some drug experiments and they seemed to have got me this far…so there we go.'' He shrugged slightly and ran a hand through his hair, sighing.

Blaine knew that Kurt didn't want sympathy so just smiled and changed the subject, ''and school?''

Kurt nodded slightly in appreciation, ''I go to William Mckinley, part time…normally only a lesson or two a day. So you go to Dalton?''

''Yeah I do. Mom pulled me out when the stress made me ill and I go every other day…most of the time'' he giggled.

Kurt laughed with him and broke off a bit of the cookie, ''so you have a girlfriend then Blaine?'' he asked curiously.

''No'' Blaine looked down and blushed ''in Elementary I think I had one, but being gay you tend to stay away from girlfriends.'' Blaine said playfully.

''Oh'' Kurt said quietly, ''I see.'' He tried to stop himself from smiling, ''so do you have a boyfriend then?''

Blaine laughed again, ''still no…guys just don't get me.'' He said sarcastically ''what about you?''

Biting his bottom lip to stop him smiling, Kurt shook his head ''same as you, gay and single. So how old are you now, 16 right?''

''Yep, 16…and if I remember correctly, you are 17?'' he asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.

''Very good, your memory is increasingly impressive Blaine.'' He said taking another mouthful of his coffee.

Blaine blushed and pursed his lips, drinking his coffee.

Kurt tapped his fingers on the table ''so how is your mom then, she doing okay?''

''She is doing really well actually, it's nice to see her back in work full-time she had to give up so much for me and I hated seeing what I was doing to her. I don't think people realise how much it affects other people, like…you understand right?'' Blaine said half-heartedly.

''Yes…I know exactly what you mean.'' Kurt sighed deeply, ''my dad had to change his whole life to benefit me. We had to move house so we could pay for my medical bills…that hurt the most. We had to move away from the memories of my mom. And I was doing that to my dad, it was my fault. But then when Carole and her son Finn moved in, it felt like a home again. He still isn't that dad I remember, he looks constantly tired… that would probably be the two jobs he is working. I don't show my appreciation to him enough. I know I don't, but I changed my opinion of things when I realised how shit I've had it. They always nod and say 'there is someone else that has it worse of than you' but that doesn't make me feel better that makes me feel worse about myself. Like, I should be appreciative of my mom dying and be grateful for the fact I have an illness that is going to kill me.'' Kurt shook his head and looked away from Blaine, ''wow-sorry that was unanticipated, didn't realise I would be giving you my whole life story on our first meet-''

''Date'' Blaine interrupted smiling widely.

Kurt was taken back slightly, ''this is a…date?''

''I'd say so. That's only if you wanted it to be, of course.'' Blaine said happily, biting his bottom lip.

Nodding Kurt took the last mouthful of his coffee to hide his smile, ''yeah…I think I'm okay with that.''

Blaine grinned and moved his chair next to Kurt, ''well good because then this is classed as acceptable.'' He said putting his hand on Kurt's gently.

Kurt was blushing furiously and took a deep breath, the butterflies in his stomach were making him feel light-headed, but in a good way. Was he dreaming, was something good about to happen to him? He looked up at Blaine and put his thumb onto of his hand, raising his eyebrows fondly ''so what is step two, Mr Anderson?''


End file.
